help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
