Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize