I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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