i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she smelled like a LAN party
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
