i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
