We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
