North Korea, Best Korea!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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