She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
