he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
