there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
