Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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