we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize