Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
