..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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