Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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