i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
