I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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