oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
