Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
