and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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