p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
