even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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