Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
