what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize