thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize