I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
