I cannot find my penis.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
