I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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