If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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