I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
40s are totally the cure
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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