So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
