I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
