My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
