I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
