I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
