put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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