so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
