Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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