the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize