I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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