btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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