What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
