Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
