I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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