it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
