you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
