Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
