he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize