he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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