ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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