Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
