I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
