I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
