I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
where am i from again
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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