i think my tv is drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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