Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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