The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We need to get me chipped asap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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