I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
