He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
