What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
