So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
