Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
